Oh the Things You Can Buy on Amazon.com
Amazon is not just a place where you can buy that gigantic jar of Nutella you crave. No! Among your typical, everyday items, you can also find some super-strange stuff. Everything from live bugs to fake poop can be acquired on the shopping site. Although why anyone would want to buy some of these products is beyond us.
Uranium Ore is basically the isotope that is made into nuclear fuel. Being able to purchase Uranium Ore on Amazon is, admittedly, a little odd, but the reviews are mostly positive. Some give it five stars since they are now able to type using 12 fingers instead of just 10. (Kidding!) Others are just happy to have a little piece of radiation to call their own. It is recommended in the description that you purchase the Uranium with accompanying Geiger counter so you can perform nuclear experiments of your own. Have fun!
Can of Creamed Possum in Coon Fat Gravy
Doesn't Creamed Possum in Coon Fat Gravy sound delish for your next meal? It is touted as a Southern delight made from only the freshest of roadkill. Yum! (Note: the sellers don't recommend anyone actually eating their product.)
Runny Nose Soap Dispenser
This is exactly what it looks like. Yes, you too could have this excruciatingly large nose inside of your shower, squirting out "goo" that is actually soap. If you have kids, they are sure to love it!
Even George Takei wouldn't be able to resist this amazing little device that claims to detect UFOs as they descend to Earth. There are many five-star reviews claiming that the product works just as it is described, so if you are having alien visitors on a regular basis, this appears to be a worthwhile purchase. Also, if you just like watching LED lights go around in circles on a small piece of plastic, this could be the item for you.
Because who doesn't love bacon, right? In the genre of bacon-flavored and bacon-shaped items, the bacon bandage is one of the strangest. "Here kid, let me put this little slab of meat on your boo boo," perhaps you'll say. Or if a bacon Band-Aid doesn't do it for you, there are many other bacon-themed items on Amazon, such as bacon toothpicks, bacon soap, and a bacon action figure. Go bacon!
Sure, Staples advertises an "Easy" button, but now you can have a bullsh$# button. You can also have a "WTF" button, a "Blah, Blah, Blah" button and a "No!" button, if you'd like. All perfect for those meetings where you have an overwhelming urge to act like Michael from The Office. The ad says that no one will dare B.S. you again after hearing this button go off. We're guessing that no one will ever dare walk in your office for all the noise this button creates, and...let's face it, weirdness.
Solar Dancing Pope
Sometimes you just need a little more religion in your life. If you feel an overwhelming need to have the Pope bless you or a loved one more often, this is just the ticket. The solar powered bobbing and dancing Pope is a little odd and a lot silly. Not fully on-board with the Pope? There's also a solar dancing Queen of England, a flamingo, and an Uncle Sam to choose from.
Donald Trump Toilet Paper
Like the presidential candidate himself, Donald Trump toilet paper really makes a statement. If you want to maximize this product's effect, invite all of your Republican friends over and have a party, serving only the Trump TP in the bathroom. To be fair, there is also Hillary Clinton TP. But somehow, even your most devout of Republican buddies will have to admit that there is something about this particular image of Trump's face that makes him the perfect foil for this gag.
He Poops, He Scores!
The men in your life can now do something besides surf the internet while on the toilet. They can play bathroom football! Of course, there's also bathroom golf and some sort of weird basketball game as well. We just hope that they don't miss their shots and have to get off the toilet to retrieve their balls. That could be awkward.
Duck Carcass Press
A duck carcass press is exactly what it sounds like: a way to press a cooked duck carcass. Because what you always wanted to do is spend $2,100.00 and then put a cooked duck into a vice and press the bejeezus out of it, right? Isn't that what we've all been waiting for our whole lives?
Yup. Don't you wish you had thought of this? There is absolutely nothing to this product. (Well, except for the packaging.) This would be the perfect gift for that person who either has everything or keeps saying he wants "nothing" for his birthday. Not recommended as a gift for Valentine's Day if you expect any action later on that night.
A Yodelling Pickle
The only thing more random than purchasing a plastic, green pickle online is buying one that yodels. That's right, yodelling, as in that odd form of singing best known from The Sound of Music. As one review noted, "My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference."
Remember that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Well, now you can actually have a three-course meal entirely made of gum! And not just any meal! A holiday meal featuring turkey, cranberry, and pumpkin pie-flavors. So, why wait until next November when you can experience Thanksgiving anytime with these gumballs?
Shakespeare Insult Gum
As the name implies, this is gum with which Shakespeare could insult you. "Methinks thou dost stinketh too much," Shakespeare might say, or something like that. Shakespeare makes everything seem a little loftier - even if it's an insult. Make a boss blush or a friend laugh with a little gum that doubles as an intellectual insult from the master himself.
Archie McPhee Instant Underpants
Ever really worry that you'll be in a car accident and not have on clean undies? Or do you know a dude who goes commando just a little too often? Well, worry no more. These instant underwear are just like those washcloths that immediately get bigger when you drop them in water. So, if you have a need for wet underpants on demand, here's the solution you've been looking for!